Orochi's Hate List
by PatientNumber10
Summary: Yamata no Orochi finds something interesting on his desk one day. It's his hate list... somewhat a crack fic...


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kannazuki no Miko and never will. Don't rub it in! X3

**A/N:** People who don't like reading senseless stories, do not read this fic. You're might get brain damage after doing so.

You have been warned! X3

----XD----

Somewhere, in a dark realm, a disaster was occurring. Papers were scattered around the floor of a castle and hysterical screaming was occasionally heard.

In one room of that humongous castle, an evil god paced back and forth, reading a pile of paper in his hands. He would furrow his thin eyebrows and grumble some incoherent words from his soft delicate lips in frustration.

The god was ironically too beautiful to be evil. He had a young man's face, looking like he was still in his early twenties when actually he was really more than a thousand years old. White ribbons with golden bells tied a lock of his long red hair. He wore a white kimono with black lining and black patterns of sakura petals blowing in the wind—it really moved. A thin purple sash magically floated over his head, its ends were twisted around from his shoulders to his arms. That's what Yamata no Orochi looked like when he isn't in his serpent form, or his dark-spiraling-orb-that-talks for, or his disgusting-transformation-of-the-lesser-gods form.

Orochi let out a strangled scream as he crumpled the papers in his hands and burned them with purple flame from his hands.

He calmed down eventually and said, "I hate organizing my files!!"

He glanced at his desk then grabbed the piece of paper on it. It read: My Hate List. It was a numbered list.

And Ame no Murakumo was number one. He snorted.

"Of course he's number one! He's the reason why I got thrown from heaven in the first place!" Orochi said.

----XD----

Somewhere in heaven, Ame no Murakumo felt a sudden chilling sensation on his spine. A bead of sweat glided down his face while he put down his cards and said, "Royal straight flush," The other gods' face dropped and stared at his grinning face.

----XD----

"He cheated against me in poker. The bastard…" Orochi mumbled, sitting on the seiza.

Ah. He's right. Murakumo _did_ beat him. But… after staring at Murakumo's smug face, Orochi strangled him and accusedhim of cheating. And during all that time, Murakumo stuck his tongue out and held out a peace sign with his fingers while the other gods tried to stop Orochi's mad banging of Murakumo's head on the table. Well, actually, Ame no Murakumo _did _cheat.

Oh. The bet? The bet went like this: who ever loses will get out of heaven and give half of his worshipers to the winners. Unfortunately, Orochi only had sixteen, including the first Oogami and Himemiya. Murakumo planned to take the two since he knew that those two will be the ancestors of the two families that will be one of the greatest families in the near future, but if he did, it would exceed the limit of eight worshipers. He only took the Oogamis and swore that he would eventually get the Himemiyas. How greedy of him…

----XD----

In heaven again, the god of swordsmen was being strangled in the same way Orochi did before. Hm… Déjà vu, he thought. But this time, no one stopped the ruckus.

----XD----

Number two were the Solar and Lunar Priestess.

Really, what's not to hate about them? Orochi thought.

Oh sure he liked the whole forbidden lesbian relationship—if he wasn't the villain he would support their relationship—but who wouldn't hate those two if they seal you over and over again for thousands of years?

"Actually," a cool voice said. Oh, it's Sakamoto Fumiko. Where did you come from? "None of your business. Actually, it isn't our fault. Yamata no Orochi tried to destroy the world. We _had _to seal him to prevent that.

If people are thinking "who the hell is Sakamoto Fumiko?" well she's Himemiya Chikane in one of their lives. I don't know what life _exactly_. I don't even know if that name really _does_ exist…

Furiyama Minami, formerly Kurusugawa Himeko, cheerfully waved her hand behind Fumiko. Hi, Minami! On second thought, I think I should address them as Himeko and Chikane. It's really getting confusing.

"Hi, person who's writing this!" Himeko said.

"Who's there!?" Orochi yelled, turning his head to the girls. He gasped, rather scandalously. "You two! How dare you step into my dimension!!"

A shadow passed Chikane's face. "Fine!" Chikane sniffed. "Let's go, Himeko."

"Alright," the Solar Priestess hugged the Lunar Priestess' left arm. Chikane smiles. ."Bye-bye!"

Bye-bye!

…

Such cute people!

Orochi looked at his list again. Number three were swordsmen. There was a moment of silence. He looked like he was deep in thought.

"Why do I hate swordsmen..?" he thought aloud. So, he really _was_ deep in thought.

I'll answer that for you, Yamata no Orochi.

"Hunh? Who's there?" he said, looking around his realm.

Me.

"Me? 'Me' who?"

God.

"Don't screw with me! I'm not Christain!"

No, really I am God.

"G-God, you say..?" he started tearing up. "I-I-I d-didn't do anything!"

Psfff..! You gullible little idiot! I'm not God. I never even dreamed of being God. I think his job is too much for me. Anyway, hi, I'm the writer. I write what you do and think.

"Really? What am I thinking now?"

Panties.

"You pervert!"

So, I'm a pervert now... You, just go with what I say. There's nothing you can do. I _control _you..!

"Well, that sucks…"

Yes. It does sucks. For you. Anyway, the reason why Yamata no Orochi hates swordsmen is because they worship his life-long enemy, Ame no Murakumo. _And _they were the reason why Ame no Murakumo existed in the first place.

"That… makes sense!" he said, seemingly happy.

Gay bars was number four. The serpent god's jaw dropped.

"Gay bars!?"

Gay bars!? *GASP* Why!? You went to gay bars!?

"Well –I –ah… I don't know! Did I when!? Where!? How!? _WHY!?"_

Ah! You went with…

"With?"

Ame no Murakumo…

"WTF!?Why!?"

You don't know? How pitiful… Both of you were gay. You two _worked _there when you had a mission on Earth…

"I-I'm gay? T-This can't be!" he said breathlessly.

… Poor guy. He doesn't even know he's gay. I could console him if I knew what he was feeling.

Orochi tried to cleanse his mind of gays went over his list again. It included the people, the world, the gods, heaven, horses, snakes, color green, and other insignificant things he thought he hated. The evil god was laughing at his foolishness at one time. He couldn't believe he hated rabbits. They were too cute to hate. Indeed, he _is_ a fool. And he hated Ame no Murakumo seven times.

The serpent god began to actually enjoy reading his list. He finally realized all the evil things he did in the past, which he never regretted doing. He crossed out the ridiculous things from his hate list. They were silly so why keep them there, he thought. Ame no Murakumo's influence was almost present in all things he hated, but he ignored it. Orochi was enjoying himself. He was smiling genuinely.

Yamata no Orochi reached the end, which was number 1,002,589. And nobody knows as to how 1,002,589 things fitted in one piece of paper. It's a mystery…

His smile slowly faded and his hands tighten their hold on the paper. Tears streaked down his face. He swallowed a sob and tried his best not to let out a sob. He kept quiet in his room…

----XD----

Ame no Murakumo sat idly on the tatami mat in his room. He seemed to have escaped the clutches of the other gods. His eyes were distant and blank. Then, a sad smile suddenly graced his lips. His gazed averted to a little photograph on his table. There were two beautiful men in the picture; one was frowning like nothing could please him in the slightest, the other was smiling mischievously while ruffling the other's blazing red hair.

----XD----

"I… don't really hate you…" Orochi swallowed another sob. "You were the only one there for me… the only one who made an effort to make me happy… I love you, Murakumo…"

_1,002,589.) Ame no Murakumo_

A/N: Err… This story... It's so pointless and… freaky… The only thing I liked here is the last part. Not Yaoi part—I hate Yaoi—the 1,002,589 thing Orochi hates. Hm. Please feel free to criticize my work. And I promise to make another KnM fic that has more point than this one. But I can't actually say that it's going to be better. I'll just try. People will just have to wait a couple of weeks. But after writing this, I don't think anyone will wait for. *sigh*


End file.
